I can feel the cracks in my soul,
The water of tears ran into my spirit--
--and froze,
Along with my heart.
Forcing those small fractures wide;
Inwardly I’ll just tumble down,
The breakages don’t show on the outside yet--
Structurally unstable.
Condemned.
When the emotional bulldozers are done,
We shall see if anything is worth rebuilding.
.
I’d be a fool to follow and to fall;
Your toxic love bad for both of us--
(or perhaps just for me.)
You had a zombie complexion,
With the ghosts of freckles
Scattered across porcelain cheeks.
Vampire elegance and banshee wild hair,
You moved sinuously with wraith-like steps
And beckoned with a siren voice.
With breaking heart and iron will
I walked away for good.
Food for the worms--
Regret just another coffin nail.
I made up my mind,
Although it feels like the last step
In my complete undoing --
Like fabric unravelling,
I have nothing to hold onto
As I begin to rapidly fray,
As I fall to pieces.
Lessons learned the hard way,
With nothing to show
But a hand-full of loose threads,
Old regrets,
And bittersweet memories.
A blurry indistinct moon.
Milky white;
A smudged fingerprint of paint
On the rich navy blue of the night.
I remember its dust oceans,
As I sought out planets,
Dreamed of being an astronaut,
And named all the stars.
I can’t even make out those lights
--not without a struggle.
Those glittering constellations
That I adored to watch sparkle as a child.
Those gone away watched down from them,
And I made my wishes,
So many careless childhood wants.
It never occurring perhaps I ought be serious,
After all, time then was meaningless,
I ought have wished to preserve my sight.
Spectacles growing stronger with each prescription.
The clear w
The skies were violet ahead,
Behind us they were black
As the downpour blurred the lines,
Smeared the road and smudged the headlights.
The colours washed from the world
The red of the tail-lights clinging ‘til last,
The weather chasing us,
Trailing road-weary travellers
As we attempted to find the other side of the storm,
And with it the last of the December-- the last of the years sunlight
--the radio told us ‘Tonight is forever…’
With a sideways glance and a half smile,
I hoped it was just the start.
Adrift in a sea of turmoil;
Hoping to weather the tempest of emotions,
Or drown in the infinite swell of the storms,
Lest the endless monotony of lace-like sea-foam
On velvet waves drive this stranded sailor mad.
Sirens lie among the weaves of my plot
-- I’m certain of it,
We play hide and seek with human feelings.
Fish-hooks and your words
Both have barbs -you try to anchor me
But still I cast my lines into nothingness,
Fin-like, your moods shift languidly,
Even if still, smooth and calm
I expect sharks, rocks, reefs - icebergs!
Other such perils in wait.
The ship-wreckage in my soul
I’m unsure if its slowly being reclaimed
The dusk was falling
And the road dusty and long
You drove and the radio was country and western
My tangled hair caught on our lips as we kissed and laughed
Scuffed cowboy boots and summer print dress
Carefree-- the world was ours
With your wolf smile and my cat-eyes
The middle of nowhere and we had the world
As the stars came to life…
A dream.
What could have been
This ideal moment
I woke understanding I let you go
To become happy without me.
Fate cruel, but for the best.
July was wolves.
I remember that much looking back;
Wolves and moonlight,
As I piece together fragments of my year
Clinging to a month as I find a memory.
January half forgotten,
February missing for now--
March?
Do I remember March?
Looking back March was dragons.
So was February now that I recall- those months had teeth and scales
I’m sure one of them had music….
April was flowers - I liked the flowers
That came before the black-dog that was May…
January!
I remember it now!
January had angels and machinery, even August, October and November had wings.
August was a sense of freedom for me, although that seems a
I dreamt of our lifetimes together
Long before I found you again.
My heart leapt when I did--
Then crumbled from the weight
Of the lies and deceit.
This lifetime - we seem to lie apart,
Maybe there is a hope for us in the next one
Parted soul mates.
For now, perhaps its time
To pack away those dreams,
And pray to whatever gods might listen
For dreamless nights-- and no nightmares.
You've found your happiness,
Somewhere around a distant corner
I hope I will find mine.